rotting away

I havent realised its been a week since i last uploaded.. everything is so dull.. i feel numb... hopefully my holiday trip will make me a little more lively.. I feel like its yet again another year of falling into summer depression, staying home the whole summer, wasting my youth away.

I have no idea whats going on with me lately. Im here, but im not here.. Its like my brain turns on only when im outside my house, i feel so so so indifferent. I sleep right after i get back home, rot, daydream, envy pepole online, sometimes shower, crawl into my bed, go to sleep at crack of dawn, wake up, wash my face, makeup go out if i have to, go back and repeat . . .  I spent last few days just straight up rotting lol. Skipped school, again.. i went  to classes once in the last 2 months xd at least I started to get a hang of my room and its clean again but it lowkey is making me anxious,it takes a lot for me to get used to changes T_T  I tried to make a chabudai for my nail equipment and magazines with my boyfriend but it lowkey was ass, it was too high and didnt fit my room at all so we just put it back and my mums probably going to refund it today.. 

Other than that, i just can tell im already tanned, i hate my skin so much, it doesnt matter how much i stay home and hope to at least stay pale, I go out once and look brown !!!!! bruh i just feel like such a chud, i cant help but to feel jealous of girls who get money from their parents and go out spending or can book nail or lashes appointments.. i just want to be pretty, how do pepole get sm money to spoil themselfes.. I feel so useless scrolling my life away

 whatever